My thoughts are bigger than myself, that I sometimes feel I wasn’t the one who wrote them.
“Happiness” is what most people crave and pursue … we see them talking about it in books, speeches and even movies.
At one point in my life I became very sad and all I wanted is to get rid of that unpleasant feeling. It seems like it was only yesterday that I was struggling. I didn’t know what I want, I didn’t know what to do and where to go, I got sick, I felt useless, depressed, sad and hopeless.
Does happiness even exist? This question popped into my mind so many times, and the answer was always there but I couldn’t see it …until one day, I did.
When I was in church, there was a little cute boy sitting in front of me with his mother. He was spreading joy and happiness to whomever he met. I saw the people smiling, “a real smile”, others laughing, nobody could look into his eyes without feeling joyful, I asked myself what’s his secret? How could he spread so much happiness? I kept watching the way he moves, his gestures and the way he acts. It was like he was in his own little world; he had fun by just swinging his legs, no money needed, and no effort. He was looking at everything around him, with wonder, he was curious about things and the way they were made, he was curious about people, he didn’t make any effort to make us love him, he was just being himself and enjoying his time.
That’s when it hit me…Happiness Is in fact a child, a child who just knows how to smile and really mean it, a child that spreads joy, happiness, and love without making any effort, a child who knows how to use every second to entertain himself, a child that looks at everything around him stupefied and amazed, feeling that he is discovering something new each second, a child whom word:” hatred” doesn’t exist.
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” he knew that children are the wisest, children know the answers to all questions (about life and existence). Children are in heaven each day while still on earth.
Living by the system which we created for ourselves, ruins the child within…it makes us struggle each day, full of anxiety, doubt and lack of love.
As a child I had so many dreams, I was waiting for the day I grow up to make these dreams happen, but when I grew up I became so scared, I became the opposite of the child I was.
I became afraid of failure, so I avoided failure and by avoiding failure I was avoiding my dreams. I tried so many things, things that weren’t part of my dream, I felt like I was living in a whirlpool, whirlpool of my own thoughts. I always compared my mind to the “starry night” of Van Gogh, beautiful painting actually but doesn’t feel well when your own mind looks like it.
The good news is that my thoughts transformed, I repainted my mind with a more peaceful and relaxing one, I painted it with calmness and peace. My mind now looks like the sea on sunset, very calm and determined, I’m free from all the chains that were suffocating the child inside me.
I freed myself from toxic people, people that no matter how talented or good you are they’ll manage to put you down; I freed myself from my old thoughts. I replaced the “can’t” by “I can”. I used to be that person who is always there for people to cheer them up and help them reach their goals, I used to be the person who gives others the best and gives thyself almost nothing, I noticed that I was giving people what I wanted to receive, hoping that one day someone will give me what I need and then I realized that no one will ever know what I really want as much as I do, and no one will really care for my own dream as I do, so I took the decision to waste my energy on myself because I’m the most person in need.
I learnt that people aren’t always what they seem, I learnt that some people are just good at pretending, I learnt that life isn’t pure…Honesty, integrity and loyalty are very rare.
I also learnt that for each thing you lose you win something else…I met really beautiful people, unique, smart, and different. They worked really hard and struggled too much to be where they are today, they may not be perfect; they still have their insecurities, flaws and fears but those people worked hard and are still willing to work harder to be the best version of themselves.
Today I can’t pretend that I’ve reached all of my goals, but at least I started paving the way towards my dreams. I’m still scared but I’ve become addicted to that beautiful feeling of fulfillment after I face my fears. I still have doubts but I know that I can never be 100% sure of anything.
Happiness does really exist, in the smiles of little kids that cross your road each day and you don’t notice them, in the pain that a mother feels while delivering a new soul and in the look of a student that is just starting to learn the alphabets.
Life is full of happiness but we have to keep looking in the same wonder and the same spirit of a child. For me I find happiness in nature, when I look at the flowers, when I see the moon smiling at me at night and in the beautiful moments I spend with my family and friends. Happiness is everywhere; we just need to open our eyes and hearts so we can feel it.